I don’t even whine ’bout my paycheck
I know it is short, but i’ll make ends
‘Cause it could be a worse situation
“First World Problemz/Nobody Carez” – Brent Faiyaz
I turned 20 the day after I arrived in Belgium and honestly, I didn’t feel any different physically. I mean, yeah I beat teen pregnancy (which is a huge accomplishment considering the high rates of teen pregnancy back in the States) and I’m not a “teen” anymore. But if anything, I was overwhelmed with this feeling of “anxiety.” Pretty sure you all know the feeling or experienced it at some point in your life; I felt as if I was living in fear of the future while also being a bit stuck in the past. It’s like a tug-of-war between your past and future self and your present-self is stuck in the middle.
As I transition from teenage to adult youth, I’m facing more and more challenges emotionally that I’ve never experienced before. I’m aware that I’m developing into the woman that I’m aspiring to be, but goddamn, this process? Difficult. I constantly question every part of my being; “Am I where I’m supposed to be right now?”, “Who will I become?”, “What am I doing?” “You sure, sis? You sure¿” Real shit ya’ll.
It’s the fact that you don’t know. You have no clue as to who you really are, and I feel as if I’m at a point in my life where I have no choice but to get to know myself, by myself. We spend the majority of our lives under the care of our parents and the company of others, depending on our life situation. But when we leave the places that we call home and venture off into the this gigantic, yet small world, you realize that you’re just one person out of this massive globe and you’re conditioned way of thinking changes. As I continue this self-discovery journey, I’m learning to pace myself, re-discover hidden talents, and practice self-love every day, at my time and not anyone one else’s.
So this Holiday season, let’s celebrate our fears, our mistakes, and our failures. They deserve to be celebrated just as much as our accomplishments and goals. I’ve focused on using the majority of my time on 3 rituals that not only help me to keep sane (LOL, cause ya girl is cray) but to stay consistent with maintaining inner balance:
For those who know me and have visited my room a couple of times, know that I love me some post-it notes with a lil’ positivity, ya know what I’m sayin’? Yeah it could be cheesy, but it’s a pasted down ritual that my mother used to practice with my siblings and I when we were younger. Just by seeing a “You’re where you’re supposed to be” post-it note is refreshing and it reminds me that I am on the road towards success no matter what type of circumstances I may be in.
Incorporating “Me Day”
This is extremely vital for me. “Me Day” is quite self-explanatory; they are days dedicated to me solely. I pick just one day out of the month and I go HAM. I do things that Raph wants to do; not what my friends, family, or irrelevant people want to do. These “non-peopling” days are quite refreshing for my mind and through whatever I plan on doing for “Me Day”, I reset and relax fully. Don’t get me wrong, I love being loud and extra 24/7, but sometimes I just need a day off. I gotta recharge too ya’ll, haha.
Are you holding yourself accountable?
Sometimes we need a good ol’ drag. It’s necessary for inner growth. You can’t live the majority of your life in fear of living to your fullest potential. We tend to panic when things aren’t in our control, allowing discomfort and negative thought to conquer our minds. So this holiday season, let’s reflect on our triumphs instead of our fears. Let’s focus on being the best that we could potentially be and disregard the failures that have affected us. In any kind of setting, let’s check ourselves when we complain about our blessings and celebrate our self-accomplishments and the success of others.
The global millennial pressure is tense. There’s this imaginary requirement that we have to be “successful” during our 20s and stress over not only our current status but over the fact that we aren’t doing enough to contribute to our success or society. It’s very disappointing that we aren’t enjoying our youth to the fullest; we disregard it and yearn to skip the most essential time period of our lives just to reach satisfaction and validation. It’s time to take a collective breath as a whole and chill. Let’s enjoy the youth that we were all blessed with and live day by day.